Who did Billy Mays play for?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
