just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
