Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
