It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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