Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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