I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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