She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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