I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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