i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
