My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
