it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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