What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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