I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
