Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
