I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
