I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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