i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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