why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
