Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
