My hand turned me down
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
