You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Please don't give away my fajitas
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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