I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
