mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
