Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
