Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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