Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
