You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
