I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
