someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
