how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
