If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
