I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
