I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
