I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
