I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
