I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
