Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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