a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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