i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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