you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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