It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
