Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
