so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
