I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
