you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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