Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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