Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
