this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
