You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
