Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My life is pants optional.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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