Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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